is it my fault im always not taken seriously?

what i've done is destroyed my reputation to entertain ppl
i know it has helped me made more frens
but wads these frens when they onli look to u to entertain them
and when u r down
they will just kick u aside

i've realised it long ago
that ppl ignore what i say
that they dont bother bout any serious things i said
whenever i try to b serious
they think im crapping again

i mean even if i do crap alot
it doesnt mean im stupid
or can accept any crap u throw at mi okay
yes im petty
so...?
i esp hate ppl throwing attacks on my personality
or bout what i strongly feel about

i used to be able to take everything ppl say bout mi
but nowadays im getting more and more sensitive
mabbi cos i've realised how sucky my life is compared to others
how meaningless it has become to live on
how useless i am
so whenever someone emphasizes on it
i'll get really offended
cos i noe its true but they didnt have to state it out anyways

exactly wad i mean bout now being my low point
when im with ppl, im okay
but alone i think too much
and what i think about are depressing
as i said to chris once.... when it gets deeper into the night, the emo-er i'll feel
so i guess i sld not update at night....

i think i've said too much
i sometimes forget that ppl would be reading this
i think i need a good cry
i've too much pent up frustrations
LAKE house anyone?